Exploring Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of love languages, we asked Kai Avent-deLeon and her partner Nate to take our love language quiz. We asked them to reflect on their process of nurturing love together.
What’s your love language?
Kai: Words of affirmation.
Nate: Acts of service. I believe it is accurate but I can see me having more than one love language!
When is your love language most obvious?
Kai: When I am needing to express myself, usually during moments when shifting is necessary.
Nate: I try to show up for Kai in little ways. Cooking, massages, or running to the store for her. I love to be of service.
How do you ensure you’re fulfilling each other’s love language?
Kai: I think we are still learning how to do that. I am much more laid back about how I express it so it’s a process.
Nate: We are continuing to learn about ourselves and each other. I have had to work on having strong, forthright communication. Also becoming comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations.
How has the COVID-19 pandemic caused you to adapt to how you show the other that you love them?
Kai: The outside world feels very uncertain so I’ve realized creating space for grounding within our relationship is key. We have been learning to communicate better and how to show up for each other especially when things can feel overwhelming.
Nate: The Covid pandemic has forced us all to slow down. We have to be intentional with how we spend our time, and come up with some creative ways to express love to each other. We try to spend time together in nature as much as possible.
Has your love language ever presented a challenge (within your relationship/previous relationships/friends/family/work)?
Kai: I am over communicative - sometimes it hasn’t worked for others (in all forms of relationships). I like to express how I am feeling and have a dialogue. I have learned that most people struggle with listening, not taking things personally, and responding.
Nate: I think generally most people struggle understanding that we are all different, and we show/receive love in completely different ways (myself included). Learning the love language of the people in your life can bring clarity and ease to your relationships. Expectation is the enemy here.
What does the other person do that makes you feel most loved?
Kai: Nate has that kind of unconditional love - I love that. I love how he loves my son and I. He’s very mindful and takes time to listen and then actually show up based on what I communicate to him. He is a fighter and being with me requires you to be a fighter. I am admittingly “high maintenance”.
Nate: When Kai is vulnerable with me, I feel most loved. She will push through discomfort based on her life experience and upbringing, and show up for me when it isn't always easy or natural for her. And of course when she cooks for me!
How do you show yourself love? Are there any practical things you do?
Kai: That’s the never ending story. As a new mom, new wife, and business owner I am consistently learning what self care looks like. Working out is a big part of my self care, eating clean, and resting.
Nate: As a lifelong athlete, exercise is my go to. I always feel good when I am consistently working out, strength training, hiking, riding my bike, or hooping. I love eating well and learning about nutrition. Being in nature is my favorite place to be for grounding. And definitely a good night's sleep
What do you think is the best thing about how you show love to others?
Nate: I try to show love to others without expecting anything in return. When I am showing love I feel like I am my best self.
What love language do you least identify with?
Kai: Receiving gifts.
Nate: Receiving gifts. Unless the gift is an investment into self.
What does love feel like to you?
Kai: GrowthNate: The ultimate life experience. Trust and support. Growth.
Discover MOOD, the gift we recommend if your love language is words of affirmation, and MAGNESIUM EASE for acts of service. Find other love languages and gifts here.